The Tip of the Iceberg

 Be careful what you wish for.
     About 12 years ago (or thereabouts), I was beginning to explore things like reincarnation, the nature of the soul, etc. You know, light stuff. : )  I was starting to learn about what we (humans) are, and what we aren't, mainly from books. It was all very fuzzy, but I was starting to form some ideas. Naturally, I was curious about myself.

     One day, I was looking at myself in the mirror. I had an impulse, and I closed my eyes and asked no one in particular to show me "what I really am." When I opened my eyes, I still saw my own face in the mirror, but my eyes - my eyes were like nothing I had ever seen before. My eyes are a light grey-blue, sometimes a bit more grey than blue, depending on the light and what I'm wearing. The eyes I saw in the mirror in that instant were so vibrantly blue that they looked almost turquoise. And the depth... it seemed that the pupils contained eternity. The depth and breadth and power and... infinity... that I saw reflected in my eyes in that moment took my breath away. I was awed, and mesmerized, for a second or maybe two, and then I was terrified. I looked away. That depth, that wisdom... what WAS that??? WHO was that??? Surely that couldn't have been ME! And yet I knew it was. It didn't feel like it was someone or something else... although it scared me, it felt familiar.  It was at once the most beautiful and most terrifying thing I had ever seen. I was shaken.
     I was in my mid twenties when this happened, and I thought I had a pretty good idea of who I was. The "what" part I was still trying to figure out. Seeing myself - like THAT- in the mirror made it pretty clear that "I" was a hell of a lot more than my mind could comprehend.
     At that point in my life, I thought I knew what I wanted, and I was on track to achieving it. As time went on, I found my priorities shifting. My old goals didn't feel so important any more. My life was slowly moving in a different direction. A few years after that revelation in the mirror, I found myself shifting into an entirely different career path. I made the change rather quickly, impulsively, and although I never second-guessed my decision, there was an adjustment period. Stepping into this new role meant the death of a part of me. My old career path was such a part of my identity, that for a while, in grad school, I didn't feel like I belonged. I found my inner voice asking, "what am I doing here? I don't belong here!" And yet, part of me knew that I did belong here. I picked up new skills with ease and enthusiasm. I discovered that I was good at this new job... that it felt natural. My identity was changing. A lot.
     In fact, I realized later, it was eroding. As I became more and more at home in my new role, I felt more of a void where my old passions had been. If I'm not a horse trainer, a groom, a rider anymore, than what am I? I didn't feel like an acupuncturist yet, and certainly not a 'healer'! There were a lot of changes happening in my personal life as well. I was in limbo. I felt like I didn't have any solid ground under my feet. I didn't know who I was any more.
     This, as one of my favorite teachers told me, was actually a good thing. It was uncomfortable as hell, often alienating and very scary, but it meant that space was being created. There was a vacuum, and it would be filled. I think the part that scared me was that I had no idea what would fill the vacuum. I was starting to learn that I was no longer in control, and that quite possibly, I never was. I was learning to surrender. This went on for a few years, waxing and waning in intensity. I found that if I followed my intuition, let myself be guided by curiosity and inspiration, I experienced amazing things. Synchronicities appeared. My world view, as well as my self image, was changing and expanding rapidly. And I was starting to enjoy it. As I processed what was happening and worked through things as they arose, the pain and fear and feelings of loss started to be replaced by amazement, humility, and wonder.
     I learned that what I thought was "me" was really just a construct. My ego, bless her, had assembled a wonderfully layered facade. It felt solid; it felt real. In a way, it was - but it was obscuring the depth that I had seen in those eyes - my eyes -  in the mirror. That ego construct was, shall we say, the tip of the iceberg. I was starting to see below the surface. I even started to make small plunges into the depths of my being, and came back unscathed. At times I feel like I live in two worlds, but more and more they are converging. I have been taught that 'I' am truly part of the One, part of God, part of the Universe; a drop that merges into the ocean. But now, with increasing frequency, I feel it. I know it. Some of the greatest moments of joy I have ever felt are those moments when I let myself merge with all that is, and feel connected to everything. It feels like the boundaries of 'me' dissolve. It's not scary any more; it's beautiful.
     I like what I see in the mirror.

Contrast: Appreciating the Yin and Yang of Life

     In Chinese medicine, there are concepts known as Yin and Yang. For most westerners, they are fairly abstract. Commonly, they are described as such:

                           Yin                                       Yang

                          Dark                                     Light

                          Passive                                 Active

                          Cold                                      Hot

                           Wet                                      Dry

                         Female                                  Male

                         Quiet                                    Loud

                        Allowing                              Creating

                          Lower                                  Higher

                           Soft                                      Hard

                          Inner                                     Outer

                          Receiving                             Giving

                          Stillness                                Activity

                          General                                Specific
                          Potential                              Manifestation

      Essentially, they are opposites. Examples of Yin and Yang can be seen in nature (winter and summer, moon and sun, water and fire) and in our physical body (sleep and wakefulness, death and birth, etc.). Yin and yang move in and out of each other in a never ending cycle, yin transforming to yang, and back to yin. In anything, there is always relative yin and relative yang. One cannot exist without the other. Without darkness, there is no light. There is no warmth without cold, no relief without pain, and no beginning without ending. They are interdependent, but not mutually exclusive. The dots within the teardrop shapes of the Taiji symbol (below) represent the yin within yang, and the yang within yin. Sunlight reflecting off the moon is an example of yang within yin. A pause in speech is like yin within yang... a break in the midst of action.

                                                        

  The world is full of contrast. Contrast benefits us in unfathomable ways, yet it is often  underappreciated. How often do you hear people complaining - about the weather, the economy, or anything else? Many move through life thinking that things would be better if there were nothing unwanted. No pain, no sadness, no struggle - just peace, comfort, and oneness everywhere, all the time. It sounds nice, but you know what? In a state like that, there is no growth. When I hear people expressing wishes to that effect - that there would be no suffering - I  think of the winters I used to spend in south Florida. The weather there in the winter is what most people would consider ideal: sunny, with temperatures in the mid- to high 70's. Sounds perfect, right? Do you know what else it is? Boring! I remember some days praying that it would rain, just to break the monotony! Experiencing that ideal weather, day in and day out, really made me appreciate the variety that exists in New England. Think what you will about the weather in New England, it is never boring! The cold winters make us appreciate the warmth that comes with spring; the hot and humid summer yields to the cool relief of fall. Contrast keeps things interesting. 

     The greatest gift of contrast is that it presents us with choices. Each time something unwanted comes into your experience, whether it's a rainstorm, a bad mood, an illness, or anything else, you are presented with choices. Will you complain about the rain that is spoiling your golf game, or be grateful for the water that helps the grass grow? Do you pass your bad mood on to others by snapping at them, or do you pause, and give yourself time to soften and avoid lashing out? Do you become a victim of ill health, or do you welcome the opportunity to create a more balanced lifestyle?  It may sound trite to say that problems are really opportunities, but it's true. Things 'going wrong' in your life are the universe's way of showing you that something could be done differently. Even a seemingly little thing, like stubbing your toe, can be a sign that you need to slow down. I got a flat tire on my car not long ago. You may be asking yourself, "What could possibly be the gift in that?" I had to bring the car into a shop to replace the tire. While the mechanic was working under the car, he noticed that the brake pads and rotors were very worn and needed replacing. I had noticed this myself at times while driving, but kept forgetting to get them checked. If it wasn't for the flat tire, I might not have made an appointment to get my brakes checked. I was actually grateful for the flat tire! The universe helped me by creating an opportunity to improve the safety of my car.
    These are some small examples, but there are plenty of big ones, too. Extreme violence inspires a greater desire for peace. Widespread cancer is waking people up to the damage we've done to our planet by pollution, and to our foodstuffs by processing. Unequal distribution of wealth and resources around the world is causing many to reevaluate their own priorities, and extend help to those less fortunate than themselves. If you watch closely, you can see the patterns. Suffering transforms into growth just as extreme yang turns into yin. Change is as mandatory and unavoidable as yin transforming into yang.  How you react to change is optional.  If you look for the gifts in adversity, you will find them. They are there, just like yin within yang.  Be grateful for them, and for the contrast from which they were born.

                       

Resistance is Futile.

    I would like to relay an experience I had last year. I was in a class, working with energy and consciousness in the context of body awareness.  The instructor called me up to the front of the class to help him demonstrate an exercise for us to practice. He asked me to hold the energy pattern of a "typical guy;" basically wear it like an energetic costume. I based the pattern on someone I know (none of you reading this, I can assure you!). It was actually kind of fun. You have probably had the experience of wearing a Halloween costume. While you're wearing it, you feel different - more powerful, mysterious, funny, sexy - qualities of the persona that you chose. When you do that, you are, in fact, wearing an energetic costume too - the energy pattern of the character you chose. Well, that's what this felt like. "Wearing" the guy (let's called him 'Roger'), I felt powerful, dominant, seductive, and a bit of an asshole. The other students in the room could feel it too.
     The instructor demonstrated the exercise. He dropped his consciousness into his heart, and expanded the field of his heart space. While he held that state and turned his attention to me (well, Roger), I felt Roger melt away. I couldn't maintain that facade. In the presence of the instructor's incredible heart energy, I felt less hidden, more vulnerable, more like myself. When he stepped away from me and withdrew his attention, I could feel the 'Roger suit' return. It was quite remarkable.
    There was a woman sitting in the class who had had some particularly negative experiences with men. She was repulsed by the energy pattern I was wearing. Her reaction to it was very strong, so the instructor singled her out. He asked us to make eye contact. When we did, I felt stronger, more powerful, even more  solidly rooted in 'Roger.' I felt like nothing could shake it off of me - her hatred was feeding it. The instructor explained to the class that this hatred she was feeling was giving energy to the thing she despised. I knew it was true - I could feel it.
     That was an incredibly valuable lesson. I felt first-hand how resistance to something does indeed make it stronger. The instructor's state of neutrality - being completely present in his heart - totally negated the pattern. He also said that when you do this - stay present in your heart when faced with someone who is not - they will either become present as well, or leave. It is a very useful strategy.
    That experience was a very clear example of a basic truth. Love and acceptance are the best tools for dealing with things we don't like. Resistance truly is futile. The more we resist anything - and I mean anything - a person, or a relationship, or a job, or even a disease - the more power we give it. By the Law of Attraction, we get more of whatever it is we are putting our attention on. If there is strong emotion associated with that energy, either love or hate, it will come into our experience even more.
Focus your attention consciously and deliberately. It is not possible to control outside circumstances; it is only possible to control how you feel, and where you put your attention. Appreciate and be grateful for the things you love, and accept and then let go of the things you do not. When you do, you will find that your health, your relationships, and your life improve dramatically.

Love & Joy are yours.